It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
