somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
