you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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