my sisters under your porch take her home
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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