My room smells like vodka and shame
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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