I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ttyl tear gas
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
