eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
