He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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