The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
