Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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