SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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