No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
