they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
