He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
