I wish they made helmets for livers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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