Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
