This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
