So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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