and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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