I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
