I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
