My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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