how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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