I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
