There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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