Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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