Christians are straight up FREAKS
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
