I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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