you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
