I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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