you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was like eating out sand paper
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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