Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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