wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I checked into jail on foursquare
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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