Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
