Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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