Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
