I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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