some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
