I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
