I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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