Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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