I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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