my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
