why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
