just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
