honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
