Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
