We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
