Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
