Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
