We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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