hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
