Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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