i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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