Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
