I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
