I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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