I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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