His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
