you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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