we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize