I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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