I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
