shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
