im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
