using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
