Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
