Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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