I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
