just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
