Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
