doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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