I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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