He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
