And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
