i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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