hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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