Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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