she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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