I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
