Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize