thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
