And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
