I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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