his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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