Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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