last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
