She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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