Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
