I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
