just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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