Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize