tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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